We love a good red flag. The internet has trained everyone to spot warning signs in the first five minutes and run. But after enough evenings with enough people, I’ve started to notice something funny: half the “red flags” everyone panics about are actually the green ones in disguise. Here are five of my favourites.
1. He’s visibly nervous
Sweaty palms, a laugh that arrives a beat too early, a story that loses its own ending. Supposedly a bad sign. Honestly? It’s one of the best. Nerves usually mean someone actually cares how the evening goes. The people I’d worry about are the ones who stroll in performing total confidence – that’s a rehearsed mask, and masks are exhausting. Give me real nerves over fake cool any night.
2. He asks too many questions
“Isn’t that a bit much?” people ask. No. Curiosity is a compliment. Someone who asks question after question is telling you, without saying it, that they find you genuinely interesting. The actual warning sign is the opposite: the person who only waits for their turn to talk about themselves.
3. There are awkward silences
Everyone dreads the pause. I’ve come to love it. A comfortable silence – or even a slightly clumsy one – means nobody is frantically performing. It’s the moment two people stop auditioning and just exist in the same space. The best conversations I’ve had were stitched together with silences, not in spite of them.
4. He admits he doesn’t do this often
People treat inexperience like a defect. I read it as honesty. Someone willing to say “I’m a bit out of my depth here” is showing you they’d rather be real than smooth. That kind of openness sets the tone for an evening with zero games – which, frankly, is the rarest luxury there is.
5. He has very clear boundaries of his own
A man who knows exactly what he does and doesn’t want isn’t difficult – he’s a dream. Clear boundaries on either side make everything easier, calmer and more honest. I’ll take someone with firm, well-communicated limits over someone vaguely “up for anything” every single time.
The real red flags (just so we’re clear)
None of this means ignore your instincts. Real red flags exist – disrespect, pushiness, ignoring a clear no. Those are non-negotiable, and I never talk myself out of them. But the small, human awkwardness people rush to label as warning signs? That’s usually just a sign you’re dealing with an actual human being. And those make the best company by far.
